nobody seems to understand my feelings. I never said I was unhappy. I never said I was entirely happy.  I am not made of paper, i have a heart, a soul, capability of feeling.
so much left behind, so many regrets. wouldn't you like to just grab everything back? To feel comfortable again, to trust.
Its a new world you do not know but are trying to discover, but somehow every day is the same, nothing gets better, nothing gets worse.
Its a queer happiness right? you like your new world, but you miss the old one.
The worst is when you cause the suffering of others, due to your own suffering. I've now learnt, keep it all inside because if you express it, you get bombarded with negative comments saying how you ruin everyone's moods and expectations. okay then, I thought; ill just drown in my own feelings. not even tears help. nothing. what is this? you wonder what to do with life, to make it turn around, make it change. oh. you cannot.

Ill just talk to myself then. nobody understands, my feelings are complex phenomenons who nobody comprehends or at least makes the effort to.