teen empathy. why me?

I understand.

That feeling of living behind someone's shadow. You wonder, why can't that be me? why can't I have that too, I want to be that happy someday.

I feel like I will never find love. Boys have entered my life, but somehow, fly away leaving a wounded heart behind. Everything goes so slow for me. Yes, I got everything I ever wanted materially speaking, and i'm certainly getting more. I use that as a shell as something to comfort me, something in which i can find at least a little solace. but that empty space still lives. so lonely.

Horror movies are my escape, there is something worse than feeling this lonely in those movies. besides, I love them. I'm not crazy or gothic, its just my taste and people should accept that. Love movies make me desire company even more. They make me sad and makes the idea of a "prince charming" a total mirage.

I think negatively about myself. I'm afraid of love, I'm afraid of not being good enough. I may seem tough but i'm not made of cardboard.

Am I going to live inside a shell forever? I don't know. But loneliness is becoming a lifestyle.

relate to this?

if you do, i have more posts coming. Teen years are hard, especially to those of us trying to make it worth but feeling like reaching dead end.